Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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