When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
