I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
