This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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