my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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