just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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