Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
