You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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