Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize