you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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