She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
