Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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