you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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