Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
