At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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