So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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