not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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