Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
