I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
