My girlfriend figured out who you are.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
