matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
