oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize