You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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