and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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