dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
