Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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