How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
