How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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