So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
