...so i touched it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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