I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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