dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
