my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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