apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize