I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
