spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
