East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think my fart just growled at me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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