Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
