Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
