he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
