No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
