I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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