my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
