After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
