Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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