I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
NoShamevember. You game?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
