Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
