I wish I could punch you in the face.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
