Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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