I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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