i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
