I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
