My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
