I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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