Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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