I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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