So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
