Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
