Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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