Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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