Who did Billy Mays play for?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
