I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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